i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
