how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
