No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
