In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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