But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
