Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
