also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i've created a new STD.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
