you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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