He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
