and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
