Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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