I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
