Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
