They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
