I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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