I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
