i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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