Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
