her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
