White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
