But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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