Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
