probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
