hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
