You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
