Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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