Pregnant stripper...not hot.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
