its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
