Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
