My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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