Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
