the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize