I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
