A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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