Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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