I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
