im holly from the hills drunk
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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