at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I enjoy the company of your penis
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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