Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
