I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
