Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
