We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
