she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
