Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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