just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
