my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
