Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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