I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
