Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
