i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
