was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
