ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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