she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
