I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
