So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
