Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
