Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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