This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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