We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
