Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize