I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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