New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
