Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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