between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
