I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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