I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
