im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
