She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
