he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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